milestone

This is one I can't believe is really here. Jack E just pooped in the potty. He has been doing great at wearing underwear and keeping it dry day and most nights. The poo thing has been hard. He stands to pee and he's been so afraid of sitting on the potty. Or the potty seat. Or the potty chair. So I've washed it out of the undies. Or put him in a diaper for a little while. Neither of those is terribly fun for any of us.

But today he was running around with no underwear on and he had the urge. We were headed upstairs to get a diaper but I put him on my potty backwards. He was yelling he wanted off then got strangely quiet. I looked down to see the little guy was doing it right into the potty. WHOO-HOO!!!!!!

He just watched the process himself. I think we were both in shock a little that it just happened. I'm really hoping he remembers how easy that was next time he gets the urge. Of course we had to call Daddy at work. Thankfully he was very complimentary.

The really big deal in all of this? We have had at least 1 child in diapers (and sometimes 2) since January 28, 1996. I bought my last jumbo pack of diapers in April 2008. That is a freaking LONG time to be buying diapers. Like 12 years and 2 months.

And it seems to be over!!!

April showers?

I thought April meant rain not snow! Then again I should know better since April is Colorado's third snowiest month. First is March and second is November. So even though we have had some beautiful sunny and warm days this spring already, today is WINTER again. I am cold and unmotivated to do much of anything.

I have been a busy little crafter this week. I made this the other night and started on this one. I love just hanging out and "yarning" like Emma used to call it.

I took the 2 littles to the grocery store the other day for their big re-grand opening party. That was our excitement for the day. Free food in the form of little tiny samples. Kelli enjoyed everything. Jack was in a 2 year old mood and didn't want anything until after Kelli had eaten his sample. She even got her picture taken by the artichoke guy. He was serving chili with artichoke leaves for dipping. She was really enjoying hers so the man asked to take her picture for his promo department. It will probably be on their website soon. I'll let you know about it then.

Kelli also had cake and sushi and bread and meringue cookies and oatmeal and waffles and cut up fruit and brie and crackers. I think that's it. Pretty funny since the girl could eat mac and cheese every single day of her life for lunch. Who'd a thought she liked anything else?!

Tonight we are going to an open house for our friends that have just finished a house to flip. They were hoping to do kind of an outdoor thing, but the snow is really coming down now. We'll have to see how that turns out.

And the snow has really put a damper on Jack E's potty training! LOL I guess once it warms up he'll be back to peeing in the grass. But for today, he's just using those pull ups!

peep show for the neighbors once again!

Kelli used to be known in our neighborhood as 'naked Kelli' since she would disrobe way too often in the backyard. D was quite concerned about her love of jumping on the trampoline in the nude.

Well today was Jack E's turn. When I had my friend's kids here yesterday, one of the little boys had to go so just stopped his outside play and peed in the grass. I know they do this all the time at home or hiking or whatever so I didn't say anything. But Jack E saw him. He thought it was so funny that his friend would pee outside. He's been wanting to do it ever since.

Today after lunch he had his chance! The top half of him was still in superman jammies complete with a little red cape. He pulled his pull-up down to his ankles and let it go right there. The part of me that just wants to be finished with diapers was really proud of him. Got that pull-up back up and ran off to play.

Then he thought he might have to go a little more. So he wandered around the back yard with the pull-up around his ankles till he finally kicked it off. True to his Y chromosome, he never took his hand off his "handle". He didn't have to go anymore so we finally got him to put his pull-up back on.

But it was quite a site seeing our little superman peeing in the grass with his cape waving in the breeze. Trey got a picture but I don't think it's G rated so we'll skip it for now! LOL

what do you eat?

I was listening to the radio this morning and they were discussing a study done in the UK where families say they really only eat the same 6 dishes at home. I don't mean that a cut of meat or type of dish made up the list of the 6 dishes, but actually the exact same 6 recipes. Their reasons were things like fast and family likes it, don't want to look up new recipes, don't know how to cook anything else and always have the same ingredients on hand.

I admit that I tend to have many of the same ingredients on hand all the time. But give me a pound of ground beef and I could make a dozen different things with it. Maybe it's because we buy our meat as a quarter of beef or a huge batch of mixed pieces of pork. I grew up like that, too. My mom had to get creative with some of that stuff. And in the summer since we get our veggies from the farm and don't pick what's in the basket at all, we have learned to try new veggies. And find yet another thing to do with zucchini.

I am really blessed that my kids like a lot of different foods, too. And they don't always expect their food to look the same. If they know there is stuff on the table they like, they are happy. And my big boys are the kind that think their mom is THE best cook ever.

I must say that we do have some old standby's here, though. We do have eggs about once a week. They are fast and cheap. And I don't have to do any preplanning. I serve waffles or muffins with them and whatever fruit is in season. And for a while we were having homemade pizza every Friday night. But now it's a little complicated with Trey's guitar lesson when I need to be shaping pizza dough. I think there is some comfort in having the old standby's. I know that meatloaf will always be a winner. And my tangy porkchops in the crock pot is a great way to deal with bone in random cuts of pork. But I can't imagine having them all the time.

she did so great!

I was so proud of Emma at the dentist the other day. She has had such a hard time even getting in the chair and opening her mouth before, but this time she did awesome! She had her valium beforehand that worked great. Then they gave her the "goofy air". She did well with all of it. And our dentist was awesome at hiding that big ol' needle full of novacaine! He got the bad tooth out and we'll go back in a few weeks to get a couple more out.

I also made an appointment for the older kids to get their teeth cleaned in June once they are out of school. And Jack E and Kelli have a cleaning appointment in May. This will be Jack E first time. I'm hoping he'll just let them look. Then he can back in the fall for more of a look.

Trey and Clay were both home sick yesterday. And Aleena came home in the morning saying she felt dizzy. Thankfully D was still home to go pick her up since I was up the mountain at work. Both the big boys are back today. Trey's been out of school for almost 2 weeks after spring break and his virus. But Aleena is still home today. She did throw up last night so I don't blame her for being pretty cautious this morning.

Now it's time to get Kelli ready for preschool. It's raining and snowing here today. I'd really like to just get back into bed and read. Do you think anyone would notice?

just a bruise

That's what the ENT had to say yesterday about Kelli's ear. He was great. He looked at it and said, "that's what I was hoping it would look like". Only the skin is bruised but the cartilage underneath is still healthy. It will take a while to heal but it will all be fine.

The drama for today is taking Emma to the dentist to see about her cracked/broken premolar. Not sure what she did to it on Sunday. I think it probably had a cavity that left it weak. We'll see. Her appointment isn't until after lunch so I am sending her to school this morning to keep her mind off of it. She seriously HATES going to the dentist. I will be picking up a prescription for valium for her before we go. And even then I'm hoping that she will let the dentist look in there. My friend is coming over after lunch to watch Jack E and Kelli so I can give Emma my undivided attention.

Wish me luck!

our spring break extravaganza!!!

Yeah, right. We've had a tummy bug going around. First Aleena felt icky on Wednesday. I felt icky on Thursday. Emma had to take it to the next level though and actually throw up a couple of times on Friday.

But Friday night is where it got interesting. Kelli was hitting Jack E so he kicked her and she fell off the couch, hitting her head on the side of the coffee table. Her ear lobe started to swell right away so we put ice on it. We also applied a little topical arnica to help with the swelling and pain but we didn't want her taking any pain meds orally so we held off on that.

At 7:45 I told Emma she could try to keep down a few more crackers. So Jack E and Kelli had a couple too. By 8:30 Kelli had thrown up twice so I called in to urgent care to see what they thought.

It was such a toss up as to whether the vomiting was from the head injury or the virus. But better safe than sorry, D and I took Kelli to urgent care at 9 that night. The pediatrician said her motor skills and all that looked fine, but she wanted to drain the bulging ear lobe. It is just as fun as it sounds!!! Then the doctor and nurse wrapped her head in gauze with a padding over the ear to try to keep pressure on it so it didn't fill with blood again. That dressing was supposed to stay on for 24 hours.

We were home after 11. Kelli slept for a while in our bed, but from 1-2 kept getting up every few minutes complaining that she might throw up. I finally got to sleep after that.

On Saturday morning I took our suburban in because the brakes were making that noise they make just before you spend more money on them that you'd like to. It was ugly. It was expensive.

Since Kelli's bandage thing fell off while she was sleeping, I called urgent care again while I was waiting for the truck to be fixed. They wanted me to bring her back in. (Thankfully, poverty brings really great state subsidized insurance so our copay is only $3 for these urgent visits. Otherwise, she may have wound up with cauliflower ear and long hair for the rest of her life!!!) So I took her back so they could check her ear. The pediatrician from the night before was my least favorite there. On Saturday morning we had a great doctor I love. Both the pediatrician and the PA decided to call the ENT on call to talk to him about it. The ped from the night before had also talked to him so he was well acquainted with the situation.

They all 3 decided to not do anything with the ear until Monday morning. I have an appointment with the ENT downtown at 8:30. Hopefully it will all be fine. She does still have a bulge on her earlobe that is a nice purple color, but it's firm not soft so they don't think it's blood but just the injured tissue.

It really is a good thing that Kelli started throwing up since if the ear hadn't been drained it could have led to deformity of the earlobe. We're just such wait and see kind of parents that we wouldn't have taken her in for a bruise to her ear like that. It's like when Emma broke her arm. Good thing I could actually see where it was broken or I probably would have given her an ice pack and put her on the couch with a movie.

So, after Kelli and the truck...we just wanted to have a quiet evening at home last night. D was doing some beer stuff with the neighbor down the street. They were kegging what they brewed last weekend and turning a turkey frying pot into a beer pot with the magic of solder and some inexpensive parts. And of course tasting what they brewed last weekend!!!

While he was gone, Jack E started throwing up. We were supposed to go to some friends' house this morning so D could help a couple of guys brew some beer. (which is why he needed to transform the turkey pot) I made a sour cherry cake to take. I made muffins for the kids' breakfast. I was getting ready to make a tossed salad when Jack E came running into the kitchen. I picked him up and he threw up in my face and all down the front of me.

So I am staying home today with Jack E and Emma who still has a little tummy ache.

And just a bit of advice: When a 2 year old has a tummy virus that very well may lead to diarrhea, it's important that the child has pants on over the diaper. Especially if that child is standing on a previously unstained section of the white living room carpet.

Yes, my day really is that exciting!!!

my name

I totally swiped this from another blog. It's pretty accurate on some things, but the traveling part? Yeah, D will tell you there is no place I would rather be than on my own couch!

What Noelle Kersten Means

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

avoiding the laundry...

...that seems to be how I get blog time. I haven't been reading as many or visiting mine much either because of that laundry pile. I think I have finally figured out that if I am out for an hour in the morning then run in the door, I can actually go down and fold a load and throw the next one in to be worked on in another few hours. I've always like to just do it all at once, but that is becoming less and less feasible as time goes on. The kids clothes are bigger...there are more of them (kids AND clothes)...and my time is crazy between working and mama stuff.

I really love to read about all my cyber folks, but then I get distracted and spend too much time online and not enough time doing my "work".

Last week I had sooo much running around. This week I have tried to slow down a little, but Easter is coming so I've had to go visit with the Easter Bunny. And then trying to find the right size clothes for everyone. Money is still really tight, but we haven't had new Easter clothes here for a few years so I thought this year was time. I still can't find something I like for me. And I need to find a shirt for D to match the 3 other boys. Maybe I'll get a pic of all the kids this weekend and get a current one posted.

Off to face the laundry. There are piles and piles of folded laundry to put in each of the kids' baskets so they can put them away, too. Plus the mountain that needs to be washed still!

I hate my dog

seriously. She was barking to go out at 4:15 this morning. So I let her out and then stumbled back upstairs to my cosy bed. Then at 5:30 she was barking like CRAZY to get back in. Yeah, the snow is cold DOG!

Then at 6:15 she wanted back out. I hate her.

making friends

I went to the park last Friday with my new friend. And this Friday I am going to hang out with another new friend.

How exciting! Mama has someone to play with. Amazing what companionship can do for your soul, huh?

I told D last week that I have made a new friend who likes to be in her kitchen as much as I do. Sometimes I feel like such a shallow person because so much of my life seems to revolve around my kitchen. Who am I kidding? I feel like a shallow person because I think I really am. Not that I'm super vain or anything like that. I'm only moderately vain! :~)

I just don't find it easy to think deep thoughts. Or maybe I have just allowed that part of my brain to atrophy. Maybe I just find it easier to cook and do laundry and bake and run to lessons and plan meals and pick up toys and unload the dishwasher and change diapers incessantly than to be profound.

Anyway. I have a play date for the second Friday in a row and I am so excited!

word cloud

OMG this proves I suck as a mama. 5 kids names are huge. 1 is tiny. He's right...it sucks to be the middle child!!!

catchin up

This week has seemed really crazy. I think because D threw his back out on Sunday and then we had some friends over that afternoon to brew beer. I don't know. It just seems like there wasn't enough down time this weekend.

The big news of the week? Kelli started preschool yesterday! So very exciting for all of us. It's nice to go back to our homey little school when Emma went for 2 years and Clay went for just a few months. I really love the school and their program and the teachers, too. And Kelli was sooooo very ready to go. She's so different from Emma going. Emma had the same teacher for 2 years and she still acted so shy and quiet when I dropped her off. Kelli got out of the car yesterday and started running. Then she stopped and asked where the door was. She didn't know where she was going, but she was READY to go!

And Jack E did pretty well without his best friend/playmate/boss around for the morning too. He and I ran an errand, then he played on his own and then he watched a movie with D. Kelli had a birthday party in the afternoon too yesterday so she had quite the day.

Now I am just trying to get on top of stuff here. Yeah, right. Mt. Washmore will never be a hill again, I swear!

Better go before the kids start trickling in from school.

Valentine's Day ain't what it used to be!

I always give D a hard time when Valentine's Day falls a little short because on our first one together he gave me a CAR!

We were recently engaged and I didn't have a car. Our wedding was just a few months away and I'd need a car then. I honestly don't know if he planned to do it all on Feb 14 or if it just turned out that way, but every Valentine's since then just kind of falls short!

Yesterday for example. Jack E was up coughing like crazy just after D left for St.Arbucks at 4. Since Jack E was in Kelli's bed, he woke her up too. They played dollhouse for a while, and kept trying to convince me it was morning. Still dark out means it's nighttime, kiddos!

Finally, I relented around 6:15. By then Trey was up complaining that they were having a late start because of the snow. Remember he had a "special" valentine to give someone! I was trying to get my pink chocolate chip pancakes going. (Yes I really did that to my poor children!) And I had to cut rice krispies treats into cute little heart shapes for them to give to their teachers. And cut up 2 pineapples for the 5th grade chocolate fondue party this morning.

I got to the elementary school a little before the party was supposed to start. It was delayed too. Now I'm worrying about Jack E coughing on everything in sight...and trying to keep him and Kelli out of the chocolate and fruits and treats.

We did last through the whole party, though. And they really only had 1 plate of chocolatey stuff to snack on. Then we had to run to the market to pick up wheat berries. I grabbed some sushi for my special lunch too. On the way home, I drove through KFC and got some little chickens for the kiddos. Two small kiddos can be cheap to feed.

As soon as we finished lunch and I got Jack E down, Trey was calling to tell me he's sick. After all that chocolate, it's no wonder!!! I tried to talk him into feeling better. I really needed the baby to sleep and to get some stuff done. It worked. I picked up and started dinner. While I was picking Trey and his friend up from band after school, Aleena's math teacher called. There are "some concerns" we need to get together to discuss. Great!

I got back home, and talked to D about our lovely daughter. She was awesome at elementary school, but the freedom that middle school has brought has been a lot for her to handle. We just keep taking privileges away and she just hasn't seemed to get it. I think the phone call home...and the 2 D progress reports helped her get a better picture.

So I spent over an hour and a half doing math with her. D and the other kiddos made cheese. D and I were going to try to go out for a little ice cream treat, but after both being up since around 4 and then dealing with the kiddos and their stuff, we were just not in the mood. He watched Lost while I fell asleep on the couch.

Just another day in paradise!

maybe girls are a good thing

This morning we had one of those crazy Colorado storms come through. We were literally wearing flip-flops all week and now it's been snowing all day. Because of that, the elementary kids had a 30 minute delay.

You would have thought the world was ending by Trey's reaction. He was up by 6:20 dressed in a button down shirt and smelling VERY good. He was looking for a hairbrush and the detangling spray. He even sprayed on some hairspray to make it stay nice. Then he brushed his teeth and used mouthwash.

This is usually the boy that I have to remind to brush his hair and teeth each morning. He usually complains about it, but still gets it done.

But today is Valentine's Day and he had a special chocolate rose to give to a special girl.

Maybe if he keeps this up he'll even shower without a fight!

maybe I'm jumping the gun a little

This morning I ran out the door to take Aleena to school BAREFOOT. Then I met D at the gas station with some stuff he forgot he needed today. I was wearing flip-flops!!! I love being barefoot and flip flops. Literally my foot wear of choice as long as it's 60º or more.

But it's still February. And there is still ice on the streets. I gotta go paint my toenails!

pop tarts

The other day my kiddos showed me how much our family has changed in the last decade. Pop tarts used to be quite common around our house when Aleena and Trey and even Clay were little. They were easy to eat and the kiddos liked them. I bought the cheaper store brand ones so I felt better about it all.

But I've changed my views a lot about nutriton and food additives and avoiding artificial and processed foods. So Jack E and Kelli have never actually had pop tarts before. Maybe Kelli has once but we can't really remember. I got them one the other day at a gas station for a "special" treat. Kelli ate about half of hers. Jack E took 4 or 5 bites then wanted a clementine. He said "Jack no like it. Jack want a clementine." Yes he often refers to himself in the 3rd person. Aleena was so surprised that I had actually bought them pop tarts and only mildly surprised that Jack E didn't like it. She reminded me that he grew up on farm food. We made all of his baby food from fresh organic produce. He grew up only eating mama's homemade bread (until about the last year he's had store bought.) He has just been raised in a different way than the older ones. And he seems to be doing just fine. Even if he would rather have a clementine than a pop tart!

tingling on my nose

I woke up this morning with that familiar tingle on the end of my nose. I've only had a cold sore 2 or 3 times before, but I always get it in the same spot. At the base of my nose in between my nostrils...icky!

I ran out to the drugstore quickly and got some abreva. Hope it's gone soon.

Emma and D went to the Father Daughter Dance at the elementary school last night. They were there about an hour. I don't think Emma talked to anyone. Or danced either. She ate a cookie, had her picture taken with Daddy and then they were done. He'll have 1 more sedate dance with her, then Kelli will be able to go to the dance. I'm sure she'll be a little more lively than Emma!

Kelli is starting preschool in just over a week. She is just so much Kelli all the time. I'm looking forward to someone else getting to enjoy her for a few hours each week. I know that will help me to enjoy my time with her more, too. On the downside, I will finally have just one toddler at home with me. That hasn't happened since 1997 and she was still napping twice a day then. I have never had to entertain a 2 year old by myself. Am I up to the task?

We'll see!

passing of the boogers

Last week Kelli told me she was sick. Her symptoms?

the cough-es
a sore "neck"
boogers
and the "bless you's"

Not quite medical terminology but descriptive nonetheless.

Now Jack E has snot running down his face. And a fever. And he just hid behind the couch to poop. Like the green cloud isn't giving THAT away!!! LOL

how things have changed!

Twelve years ago yesterday, I became a mama for the first time. It was the first time I nursed a baby. The first time I held a little being that had just moments before been inside of me. The first time I felt such incredible love for a person I had just met. The first time I had that feeling of "I am so strong...I am a mama who just gave birth to a wonderful baby!" The day I joined the club of mamas everywhere.

Nine years ago today I became a mama for the 3rd time. D and I were suddenly outnubered by our children. We had 2 kids in diapers again after about a 2 month stint of only having one in diapers. It was the beginning of a kind of chaos I had never known. And I began to love.

Happy day to Aleena who is now a beautiful 12 year old girl. Yesterday a boy hurt her feelings by saying he didn't know why a boy would like her. D failed in trying to explain to her that he was probably freaked out by how much there is to like about her.

And happy day to Clay-Clay. My sweet guy. I think he is finally getting the fact that school work is not a suggestion but really an expectation. And he hasn't cried since like Saturday!!! Actually.

Something else that has changed. This has nothing to do with our family, but with the area of food that is so important to me these days. For Clay's birthday, he wanted banana chocolate chip muffins to take to school. I have a recipe that I use that is from a scholastic cookbook from when I was a kid. It was published in 1977 in fact. When I compare this recipe to ones from today, one of the huge differences is the amount of sugar. Only 2 T of white sugar and 2 T of brown sugar. And it is supposed to make 24 muffins. Notice I say "supposed to" because I make this batch into 12 muffins. And they are just regular sized muffins then. It would 24 small muffins.

So what does that say about the way we have changed how we eat in the past 30 years? We add a lot more sugar...and our portions are much bigger. No big secrets there, but still just surprising when I see it in print like that.

can I tell you what a dork I am?

Wait...I think I already made that confession here before.

Anyway. This morning I was pulling off my jammy top (man, can you tell I'm a mama?!) and my necklace went UP MY NOSE. And it hurt a lot. And it even bled.

How do I explain that one?

Guess it's a blonde thing!

Jumping back in here!!!

Yesterday afternoon I just felt like it had been the best day ever. I had cooked some really amazing foods. Chicken and barley and vegetable soup. Roasted root vegetables. I ground some more wheat and had yeast bread rising and another loaf of quick bread to go with dinner in the oven.

I felt so on top of it. The wheat germ bread we had with dinner was so AMAZING. The yeast bread wasn't so great. I used the recipe for basice whole wheat bread from Laurel's Kitchen. The dough seemed really soft. The recipe says it will be, but I think that mine was TOO soft. It did great on the first and second proof, but it just didn't rise anymore once it was in the oven. Aleena had 4 pieces of it for toast this morning so it can't be all that bad, huh?

That has been my concern with getting into milling my own flours. What if it's not good? But then I realized that it's BREAD. How bad can it be honestly? It's flour and yeast and water and a little fat and a little sweet. How bad can that be really?

So I've been jumping in and just trying to figure it out as I go along. I realized today as I was reading Flour Power that I have used all my soft white wheat in really the wrong way. I guess that's best for cookies and quick breads and the like. I have just used it in hte mix with my hard red wheat which should have been the base for my flours for my breads.

So I am off to look for more grains today. I'm kind of excited. It's really fun...and it's not like the kids don't devour bread around here! And now that D is doing more construction type work, he's eating more carbs. Not a ton, but he's taking sandwhiches in his lunch. And a loaf of bread with dinner sure does make the meat and veggies go farther! Plus it's still good bribery to get Kelli to eat her dinner.

the energizer bunny has an outage

One of my blog friends, Kathy, referred to me once as the energizer bunny. There are days and days where I just go and go and go. There are things I need to finish and it's hard for me to stop until I'm done.

Well, having the flu has brought me to a halt. I can't believe how wiped out I am. This morning after my shower I wanted to lie down and rest for a second before I finished getting ready. That is so unlike me. And right now, the laundry is piled high to the sky and I just don't have to energy to do it. I had the boys carry it all downstairs because I knew I couldn't carry it. I'll have to do it all down there and then have them haul it all back up here.

I like being strong and having lots of energy. I guess after doing WW for this long, I have become accustomed to just going and going and going. And as a mama, I don't always have a lot of choice in the matter. These kids gotta eat...they need help with homework...diapers have to be changed...and they spill stuff. Mama has plenty to do. And I have always just done it.

Today I might just take another nap.

gosh

That's all Jack E is left with after his weekend with the flu. He continued throwing up and having yucky diapers all day Friday and Saturday. It got really bad Saturday afternoon and I wound up taking him to after hours care for an IV. Little guy was getting quite dehydrated. So hard sitting there with my boy with an IV in his hand. He just was dozing off and on most of the time.

Sunday he was still pretty out of it. Took a couple of big naps and just really laid around all day. I had to take him back to have him rechecked Sunday night. Doing OK. Yesterday he was still sleepy.

Today? He's fighting with my 2 little girls I nanny for so he must be doing alright!

He's left with the "gosh" though.

I had to take Trey to his lacrosse game on Saturday. I was going to just drop him off and come back and put Jack E down for a nap. He fell asleep while I was gone, so Aleena went to put him in his crib. I guess he woke up but she thought she could just read to him and he would go back to sleep. I decided to stay and watch the game since she had it under control.

About 15 minutes before I was supposed to come home, Jack E started complaining that his tummy had ow's. Aleena was freaked out he was going to throw up again. (It's really not pleasant when an almost 2 yo pukes all over then runs away from it because he doesn't realize that it's coming from him to begin with!) She started saying "gosh, gosh, gosh" then Jack E did a huge diarrhea. So now he calls his yucky poops "gosh".

It was kind of funny when he was in the exam room Saturday night with the doctor checking him out and he kept saying "gosh gosh gosh" as he more than filled his diaper.

At least it's funny now...

fun friday

Since all the big kids are in school all day, I have been trying to do a "fun" thing with Jack E and Kelli on Friday mornings. It's not difficult to do something out of the norm with just the 3 of us. And it's usually been librabry story time with some new books and a new DVD for the week.

But so far today...Emma tripped over a fire truck and spilled half a box of cereal on the floor, Kelli has spilled orange juice (thankfully AFTER I cleaned up the rice cripies!) and Jack E has thrown up twice.

Fun this Fiday is NOT!!!

wish me luck...

where have I been?

in the kitchen of course!!!

This summer has been a strange one. I have felt crazy busy with life, but I haven't done as much canning and freezing as I did last summer. Maybe it was just working and not having many days of being home that made it feel so crazy.

The past 2 weekends I think I have made up for lost time, though. Last weekend, I did a TON of tomatoes, some green beans and a bushel of corn. This weekend I froze another 4 bushels of corn. I think we have enough for the year, now. Between cut off the cob corn and corn on the cob, there is enough frozen to have some every other week for a year. And since I will only have to go from the end of September till the middle or so of July, I should be OK. LOL It will taste so good this winter to have corn on the cob.

This fall marks a new era for me. We have 4 kids in school ALL DAY and 2 kids home ALL DAY. There are no middle of the day trips to pick anyone up from preschool or kindergarten. Of course, Kelli is absolutely dying to go to preschool. She is really ready, too, it's just a matter of paying th tuition right now. Besides, I kind of enjoy hanging out with her as the big girl. I should say that most days I enjoy it. There are some days I could sell her to the gypsies without a second thought.

It's also a new phase in that Jack E is almost 2 and has apparently secured his place as "baby of the family". Hard to believe that but it seems to be the case. He is at my favorite age right now. I just love this toddler thing. And he is soooo easy going. If only he would speak in sentences of more than 2 words. He makes his wishes known...even if it does take a while for mama to figure it out.

Well, this is more than I have blogged here all summer! LOL I will really try to do better about that. In all of my spare time-HA!

Jack E's words

I saw a blurb about this last night on the news. Good thing my Jack E doesn't watch these or he might not say ANY words!

iron chef

you know that show on food network where they have a mystery ingredient and have to come with as many ways to use it as possible?

I think the mystery ingredient should be ZUCCHINI!!! And nothing exotic...just regular stuff that we all have on hand and the kids will eat.

Bet that would be a popular episode with vegetable gardeners everywhere!!!

totally thought I was chocolate!

You Are a Lemon Cake

Strong, sexy, and overpowering. You know who you are, and you're not afraid to show the world your fabulous self. You're confident, charming, and extremely popular.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

fat dreams, fat pictures and a crappy realization

First, I had a dream last night where I saw myself naked (like I don't see myself naked every day?!) and I was shocked to realize how overweight I still was. In my dream I remember thinking, I thought I looked good? I am still crazy fat!!! Guess my subconscious still thinks of me as a fattie and not a hottie.

Second, here are a couple of pictures for me to see how far I really HAVE come. The first picture is when I was about 6 months pregnant with Jack. I'm asking Kelli (who is always naked) if she would like to put on her swim suit to get into the pool. The second pic is of me and the kids shopping last Christmas. I got a BIG OL' BUTT!!! I had been on WW a couple of weeks and had lost maybe 5 pounds by then.




And today I realized that my driver's license has my weight listed as 180, which was a total lie at the time. Problem is, I weigh a LOT less than that now. And my stupid license doesn't expire till 2012. Stupid Colorado and their stupid 10 year driver's license!!! :P

potty time

Is it pathetic that I fantasize about going potty without an audience and without hearing my name being called from the recesses of my house?

Don't answer that...

we've been robbed

Yes, seriously, we were robbed. But before you start freaking out (mom!), realize that if you are not me or D the story is probably humorous to you.

Last night when I went to bed (10:30) I left the garage door open for D who was at work on his motorcycle. I knew he would be home any time and would want to put his bike in the garage. It turned out that he didn't get home until like 11:20. When I got up this morning, I looked in the garage fridge and realized it looked REALLY empty. I went on my walk thinking about it and checked again when I got home.

Yep, at least 2 6-packs of beer, 2 6-packs of Mike's Hard Lemonade and a few loose bottles/cans of beer all GONE. Now I know my kids can be a little ornery and curious, but if they drank that much, WE WOULD KNOW!!!

I'm sure there were some teens having a GOOD time last night somewhere!

It does answer another question for us though. Last weekend D and I were looking for one of those hard lemonades. I drink one every couple of weeks, and it just sounded really good on Saturday night. D said he had taken them out of the fridge and set them on the shelf right there...why could I not find them now? We looked and looked. It was really irritating to think that we had misplaced the 5 left of the 6-pack. We had some regular ones, but I really wanted the Light ones (only 2 WW points!). I guess now we know that we don't need to keep looking for those missing bottles!

So, I called the police. Do you file a report for stolen beer or not? It's up to us. I told him we'd think about it. And I'm sure the guy I talked to had a great laugh after I hung up.

I told you it was funny. If you aren't me.

i'm a dork!!!

This afternoon I changed from my long-sleeved shirt to a t-shirt. Then I cleaned up the kitchen and took Clay to his drum lesson. When we got in the car afterwards, I realized that MY SHIRT WAS ON INSIDE OUT!!!

Not the end of the dork story!

On the way home, we stopped at Rite Aid. I had to go pee-pee as soon as we got there. Then Clay and I wandered around while I waited for prescriptions to be filled. We were there about 30 minutes. When we got into the car again, I realized my shirt was STILL INSIDE OUT!!! Did I turn it right side out when I went potty?

NOOOoooooOOOOOooooooo!!!

I'm a dork!

spiritual things and Sarah Groves

I know I am not the most spiritual person by a long shot. Honestly, I really enjoy just hanging out on Sunday mornings and probably wouldn't complain if we decided to stay home from church all but a handful of Sunday's each year. I'm not really sure where my Bible is or when I read something more thought provoking than People magazine.

Then again, I tend to think of most of my day as serving and giving and nurturing and not really for me at all. So I guess that does make me pretty spiritual.

I was walking and listening to Sarah Groves this morning. Specifically I was listening to "When It Was Over" from her "Add to the Beauty" CD. It's such a different portrayal of love and life to me. And something that really resonates with me. The chorus is so simple:

"Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole"

The love we have in our lives...the love we offer to others...it has the power to make us whole again. There are so many days when I feel so terribly broken and cracked and torn up. I see the world we all share and am so saddened by how we can treat others or our surroundings. I think it's really hard for me, too, to see how we think so very highly of ourselves.

How can I, a white woman, living in the 21st century with electricity, running water and abundant technology, a healthy body, a home in the suburbs, enough money to never be naked or go without food, six beautiful children, a husband of great character, the list could go on and on and on. What right do I have to ask God to bless me further, even to bless my food? Haven't I been given far and above what I really need?

But I digress...

Back to Sarah Groves...the second verse of the song always really hits me and makes me feel a little embarrassed even when I am by myself.

"When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life"

D and I have been married for almost 15 years. Though the past few years have been hard in one sense, they have been really beautiful in another sense. There is that incredible intimacy that comes when someone "finally figures out what I am all about". It's humbling to know that he really does know all my inadequacies and weaknesses and even failures. He has seen me be totally unworthy of his love, devotion or respect. And yet we are still married and pretty happily so, too.

It's that love that encourages me to keep moving toward something "more". I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that with what I have been shown, it's OK for me to give more of myself, to stretch myself, to let "my way" slide a little more in order for someone else to thrive. I'm not sure this is making the sense that it does to me in the morning while I walk.

I know I come home ready to face life and stress and laundry and more cries for attention and more arguing and less of mama.

The song ends this way:

"There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us"

did you see me at target today?

I was the woman on her hands and knees putting all the capris back on the rack while her 3 year old daughter looked on with that strange "I wonder how that happened" look.

Then a few minutes later I was the woman who screamed "NO!!!" in absolute terror as the same 3 year old picked up an entire display stack of t-shirts with an ornery glint in her eye. Disaster was averted that time.

So did you see me? Or better yet, did you hear the total pandemonium in my local Target store while I spent an hour there this morning with all 6 of my children?!

artichokes

My kids are weird. I know that and I've made my peace with it, but sometimes I am just struck again by how "not normal" they are.

Tonight for dinner D steamed 4 big artichokes. Kelli and Jack, really all 6 of the kids, LOVED them. At first I thought Kelli was just enjoying something to dip in melted butter and mayo. Then she was eating the leaves plain! And she and Jack both had a ton of the hearts.

We've all heard of kids who have to have a special meal prepared for them. They will only eat a certain brand of chicken nugget every night for dinner. Those are not MY children! Last summer it was just funny to see that Jack adored eggplant. He would eat anything with eggplant in it. We had great fresh organic eggplants from our CSA...and Jack and I ate a TON of them!

I really do love having kids who eat what we eat. I just am sometimes surprised by the diversity of their palates.

already april?!

I can't believe that it's almost Easter! Spring Break was great here. True to Colorado we started out in the 70's and then had snow later in the week. In fact, we're getting a little spit of snow right now!

I just wanted to post a pic of what happens when a distracted mama hands a cup of yogurt to her non-spoon using toddler. I really meant to feed it to him, but then someone else needed something and someone needed something else. You get the idea! At least he was in his high chair and not on the couch!!!

about me

got this idea from Penny and her last post

Read my VisualDNA™     Get your own VisualDNA™

my name

Emma is really baffled by my name. Why is my name NOelle if it actually has TWO L's in it? Shouldn't my name be TWOelle?

Only Emma, I tell you!!!

new word...

...well, actually, Jack E's been saying it for a while now, but it's getting clearer now. Tonight after Kelli's bath I was helping her get dressed. She was standing there in her Dora panties, and Jack E just kept pointing and saying, "diego, diego, diego".

His vocabualry so far? Ma, Dada, THAT, maow, wf, shz, and now Diego. What are this kid's priorities anyway?

where does she get this stuff?

This afternoon Emma had a garage sale. She went to her room and found a few random toys and 4 shirts that "is just the stuff she hates". She set the little white table by the end of the garage with a blanket thrown over it. She made little notes that said how much she wanted for her stuff, too.

No takers!!! Can you believe it? I guess no one was looking for a garage sale at 3:20 on a Monday afternoon.

Poor Emma...

melancholy

I didn't post much this week because I was just feeling really melancholy. I don't know if it was because of the big snow that hit on Wednesday. Or maybe it was work...caring for your own babies when they are sick is one thing. Going to work and caring for someone else's sick babies is even harder. The girls love me and know me and trust me, so I guess I felt the drain of their first colds, too. I'm sure it was good for their mama to get a break from wiping noses and whining girls. She was getting sick, too, so she even just took a nap one day while I rocked a sick baby.

I don't know if those are really the reasons I felt so melancholy this week or not, though. It's strange. I left my home town for college over 18 years ago. I was home in the summers then after 2 years transferred to a college in CA, met my husband and have been away pretty much for 15 years now. I wouldn't want to move back there at all, but this week I just felt "homesick".

Maybe it's the fact that one of my grandmother's just had surgery a few weeks ago. She is fine now, but she is in her 80's. Her time left here on earth is not unlimited. I have such fun memories of her house and my cousins and always tons of food.

Then I talked to my mom this week a lot about her mother, my other grandmother. She is creeping up on her 85th birthday. She has alzheimer's and is just not doing well these days. She used to have the cantankerous aspect of the disease. It was almost funny that my grandma cussed like a sailor and was in trouble for hitting at her nursing home. Now she has taken on the other side of the disease. She's sweet again, but doesn't remember much about the past 5 years or other aspects of her life, either.

I have such great memories of that grandma. I spent a lot of time at her house as a kid. It seemed like I was with her every weekend for a good chunk of my life. She was one of the hardest working women I ever knew. Of course I was only around after she was semi-retired and all but one of her kids was out of the house. But it seems her apartment was always immaculate. There were never piles of laundry laying around. And never a dust bunny!

She always had time for her friends. I remember going for walks to see her friends in the other apartments. She just liked to check in with them every few days.

She always had a hard time getting me up for church on Sunday mornings. I would be asleep on the sleeper sofa in the living room and she would threaten me with a cold wet washcloth nearly every week. Then we had to pick everything up and get the apartment looking all nice and tidy before we could leave for church. Why? Because you never know if you will be inviting someone home for lunch with you.

My grandma was not much of a cook. We ate a lot of boiled potatoes at her house. That seemed to be her starch of choice...not mashed, not scalloped, not au gratin, just boiled. You can mash them yourself on your plate that way and add butter and salt, too! I do remember making a lot of strawberry jello at her house. There were often bananas in it.

The best thing about weekends at grandma's house was the chocolate cake. She had a metal 9x13 pan with a slide on lid. She always made a chocolate cake in that pan on Saturday afternoons. The cake was from a mix, the frosting was from a can, but she would grease (with crisco) and flour the pan so it seemed to be the greatest chocolate cake I had ever eaten. And we had to save it for Sunday dinner. No bites on Saturday night! The other thing grandma always had was white bread and Skippy creamy peanut butter. YUMMY! That was my favorite thing to eat there, and it didn't matter what time of day it was, I always had to have some of that at grandma's.

She called cereal "breakfast food" and I always thought that was just weird!

I keep using the past tense...and I don't mean anything by that other than this is my childhood I am talking about. This is what I remember about her while I was growing up. I haven't lived in that place for more than 15 years. So that season of my life is very much in the past no matter what condition my grandmother is in. It makes me sad to think that all of this change has happened while I have been in California and Colorado living my life and raising my own children. But I guess some of that is natural, right? It's natural that the granddaughter would now be a woman raising her own children. I think I am just sad that I have done it at such a distance from my grandmothers.

One of the things I always wanted grandma to do was show me all her scars. Her belly looked like a treasure map with all those scars from all her surgeries. Pretty creepy and intriguing to a little girl!

weight blog

I'm thinking of starting another blog where I just talk about my WW stuff. I read a few blogs where others share their daily food journals. I'm thinking I might want to do that. And then have a place to share recipes that I try, too. I read this blog every day and she is talking about having an area where others could do their own daily blog. I may wait for that. We'll see.

new goal

I reset my Weight Watchers ultimate goal. I was too worried about trying to maintain a weight that was too low for me. I did update my ticker today. I've lost more than 20 pounds so far and I got my cool little 10% goal keychain.

I have a ton to do today and am seriously lacking in motivation. At least I don't have to wash any sheets today, though!

tired cravings

I'd forgotten how disrupted sleep makes me crave carbs. Yesterday afternoon and last night I was so tired from Sunday night's disrupted sleep. I just wanted to eat all afternoon...and it didn't matter what. Good news is that I didn't cave into that too much...other than a rice crispy treat. But I did account for that in my daily intake.

Last night I was lying on the couch thinking of eating chocolate ice cream. But I realized I really wasn't that hungry...and since I have my weigh in on Tuesdays I wanted to not pig out last night. I went to bed, well, actually I fell asleep on the couch without overindulging. That felt good to know that I fought the cravings.

It also made me realize it's no wonder that having 3 kids in 3 years and constantly being sooooo tired helped to keep me technically obese. Then having another baby and working and moving and having 2 more babies and working and working overnights. No wonder it's just easier to drown my exhaustion in cheeseburgers and ice cream. But I feel better being leaner and not eating junk just because I'm tired. Just interesting to me that the link between my decade of diapers...that is now over 11 years of diapers...was such a good excuse to overeat all the time.

weekend update

What a weekend! Twenty years ago that would have meant something entirely different than it does today!

I woke up early Saturday with Kelli in my bed in mismatched pj's...not the ones she went to bed in and her top was on backwards. Yep, she had wet her bed. When Jack E got up later I realized he had taken his diaper off in the night and also wet his bed. So along with all the other laundry I needed to catch up, I washed their sheets.

Sunday morning, I woke up the EXACT SAME WAY! ARGH...so I washed their sheets and this time had to wash dinkies as well. For Kelli, that is her purple blanket I crocheted for her. It was one of my first projects so it's a little odd shaped for a blankie...more like a shawl. For Jack E, it's his big blue blanket. Still made by mama, but a little more experienced as a crocheter this time.

We all survived that. Jack E was up screaming for a couple of hours in the wee small hours of the night last night. I think he is working on getting some molars. The top ones are in, but we are working on the bottom ones. I had him in and out of my bed last night. He was kind of half asleep, half awake, crying off and on from 1 till after 3. He finally settled down and slept. So did I. Again I overslept and barely made it out the door this morning. Thankfully I had packed up my breakfast, lunch and snacks last night so I could just grab my bag and go. I wasn't gone 5 minutes when Aleena called to tell me that Angel (our sheltie) had thrown up all over the kitchen floor. Sorry, D, but I was soooo glad to already be out the door when that happened.

This afternoon is probably the craziest of the week. Clay just got off the bus. I need to pick the oldest 2 up from band in 30 minutes. Then an hour later Clay has his drum lesson. Then we run home and get everybody some dinner. Then it's finish up homework and get ready for tomorrow. At least tomorrow is just my Weight Watchers morning and errand time. I need to get organized for that too.

I'll be back to let you know how my weigh in goes tomorrow morning! ~~~~~~~~~skinny vibes for me!~~~~~~~~~

not myself

I just haven't felt like myself for a week or so. I've had this crazy headache off and on...sinuses I think. And I have been soooooo tired. I just feel a little punky. Honestly I feel a little pregnant. I'm not, though. (Yes I am VERY sure, mom!) I just started a new birth control pill that isn't just a mini pill. It's been a dozen years since I was on this kind and it's messing with my system a little I think.

I know I just need to wait it out and it will be fine in a few months. So for now, I feel just a little pregnant...but I'm NOT, mom!

My weigh in at WW was good yesterday. I had really tried to eat well and drink lots of water and it paid off at the scale. I was feeling pretty positive about it since I had tried on 2 pairs of pants and a skirt before I found something that fit well and wasn't jeans. I didn't want the added weight of jeans. Thank goodness for drawstring pants! So now I am 0.4 of a pound from my first goal of losing 10% of my body weight when I started WW. Did that make sense? It's a goal they set for you when you first start. And I get a keychain when I meet that goal. I'm really excited about it!

Well, the laundry is not doing itself this week. And as much as I would like to sit around a little longer, that is absolutely all I have done today! Still trying to figure out what I'll give up for Lent, too. Ideas? And don't say diet Coke, hon. That one would kill me!

another sick day

Yesterday Kelli spent the day throwing up. It was her first experience with that. Not fun for any of us. She didn't even keep water down, poor girl.

So far today looks better for her. She's had a bite of waffle and is playing.

I have caught the little ones' cough. And the general icky feeling that goes with it. Thankfully, the family I work for is out of town this week so I have a little vacation. You would think I would just be getting so much done with these extra days at home, wouldn't you? Nope! But I am in the middle of making cookie press cookies in heart shapes. I told the kids that I would drop them off at school for their teachers when I pick Emma up from Kindergarten.

I didn't update my ticker yesterday after my weigh in because I went up by 0.2 of a pound. Who wants to celebrate that?! Next week's weigh in will be better...as long as I don't eat too many of these Valetine's cookies! lol

And now a word from Jack E:


/÷//'



'nkkkkkk...............;;';;'/''''''''';'lllllllllklllpmmmffsxdzxvxxxxxxxxxxmmnmnh j ttttttttttttth, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmytt6tyfrtfgtttttt vm fddxcxcdccccc nvgv.u ,hytffffffewsrgh


That's all we've got!

vicks vapor rub

It seems that when Aleena and Trey were little they were always sick. Or maybe I just had more time on my hands to pay attention then.

Jack and Kelli have both been coughing a lot the past few days. That kind of wet hacking cough that seems to feed on itself. They were both exhausted last night so I put them into a soothing vapor bath. Even the big kids love to take those when they are home sick. They are known as "sick bubble baths" at our house.

So Jack E and Kelli took a sick bubble bath, then I slathered on the vicks medicated chest rub. Aleena always hated it and called it the spicy lotion, but Kelli didn't seem to mind. I mixed it with regular lotion for Jack E so it wouldn't be so strong on his tiny little body. They have both been asleep since 7:45...not coughing. Kelli didn't come into my bed to hack all over me at 5 either. That stuff is a miracle drug I tell you!

I think I find it rather sedating too. I was on my bed reading blogs last night and ended up falling asleep by 9 (sorry hon!) and didn't wake up til 6 myself. That in itself is a miracle! Maybe I need to slather on the vicks every night, too!

TIme to get ready for school...them, not me. I get to hang out in my jammies a little longer.

my face is not so chubby anymore...

These are pictures of Kelli and me. One is from September, the other is from a couple of weeks ago.

NSV

no, that's not some weird disease! It stands for non-scale victory. Today mine is that my skinny pants are getting baggy! And the scale was kind to me at my weigh in today too. I moved my ticker up under my blog title just so I can look at it often and be motivated. I am moving that little scale thingy to the right a little more every day! woohoo!

ticker

I got a ticker...I suck at getting these things to work so here goes!

milestones all around

Emma has stopped sucking her thumb!!!

Kelli is potty-trained!!!

Jack is walking!!!

And I thought Trey had dark hair on his upper lip, but he washed it off!!!

web page

D designed a new family web page this weekend. Since only he reads this blog, I'm posting a link to it here beacuse I will never remember the URL otherwise!

Taylor Family

all the news

Today we are going to get a tree! We are doing the tromp through the forest and chop it down yourself thing. This should be interesting!

I cannot believe how busy life is these days. Working is good, but I sooo miss the days of being a total SAHM. Ah, the luxury of sitting on the couch in the afternoon watching TV. Yes, I did that yesterday, but there were about a dozen things I should have been doing instead.

Just came back from my WW meeting. Yep, another thing I added to my plate this season. I figured if I didn't do this now, I wouldn't fit into any of my clothes by New Years! The scale hadn't dropped as much as I would have liked today. But my face looks thinner! I can just gaze at my face and imagine a skinny body underneath it.

Well, D's alarm has been beeping for the past 5 minutes. Maybe I should check on that! LOL

something I learned this weekend...

...when asking a 9 year-old boy to help with the laundry, it is very important to be specific.

Simply asking my son to put the clothes from the washer into the dryer was not enough. I forgot that the dryer was already holding a load that needed to be folded. Now the dryer is STUFFED...and not completely dry.

Love you, Trey...thanks for being willing to help.

what's a doula?

In the last few interviews I've had, the question has come up, "What makes you as a doula different than a nanny or a housekeeper?" I answer that I have more training than a nanny or housekeeper has with newborn care and care of a postpartum mama. As a doula, my first responsibility is to the mama.

The other day at work, that was hit home to me once again. Mama was having a really bad day...really bad. And it was because of someone else she hired to work in her home...someone who has been with this family longer than I have. The other employee didn't really mean to hurt mama, I don't think. But mama is having a hard time...she doesn't get enough sleep...the entire family has been sick with a stomach bug...babies are fussy...toddler is busy. Mama was deeply hurt.

As I work with this family, not a lot of what I do each day is physically for the mama anymore. She doesn't need me to get her snacks while she nurses. I don't have to remind her to drink enough water. She doesn't have many issues regarding breastfeeding twins to talk through anymore. Mama is up and around...shopping...running...working from home, even.

But when I am in her home, I am always thinking about what I am doing and how that is something that is taken care of for mama. When I do the laundry...when I wipe down the kitchen counters...when I pick up toys...when I am changing diapers...when I am soothing a baby who just wants a cuddle...when I am playing with a baby who will soon take a nap...when I prepare a meal to be eaten later.

All that I do, I think of her. Maybe because I know how much I would appreciate someone doing these things for me. Maybe that I remember what it's like to have 3 kids 3 and under. Maybe because this is some way I can live out a faith that I don't much understand anymore.

A doula is a servant.

where, oh where does the time go?

I think about blogging a lot. I have composed so many blog posts while I am making dinner or folding laundry or nursing the baby or working or driving...you get the idea. These posts just never make it to my computer!

This morning I need to be finishing laundry and cleaning our house and getting ready for our home group tomorrow night. I'd really love to be crocheting or knitting...and instead I'm sitting here at my computer!

Baby is screaming...phone is ringing...better go!!!

new appliances!!!

We were coming home from church on Sunday and passed a yard sale. D always has to look! lol this guy had a fridge that he and some partners had bought for a new office site a year ago. Apparently they never got the office site and this fridge has just been sitting in his garage. It said $60/OBO...we paid 50 for it. It's in my garage and it works great!!! D stopped at the store and got 4 gallons of milk last night...yeah! An extra fridge is soooo great for this TOK mama...and I only have 6!

My in-laws also bought us an extra freezer. We have a chest that is filled after so much freezing of veggies and stuff this summer. The new one is an upright that I can use for extras...bread, cheese, meat, etc.

And our friend who is an electrician is coming over tomorrow to help D put in 2 new breakers for our garage so all that isn't coming off of one!

Such a happy day for a TOK mama!

And it's snowing today in CO...but I already weeded through the pile of boots on Sunday when we cleaned out the garage to make room for the new fridge and freezer. I'm feeling so prepared for winter this time. Usually, there is a mad scramble the first snow day to see if everyone even has boots and then I try to run to Target for the kid who went to school in just tennis shoes. Last year Target was sold out of the size of snow boots I needed! Thankfully, here in Denver the snow disappears so quickly that the kids rarely need snow boots the next day!

mouths of babes

Last night we were talking with Trey (age 9) about how he is getting older. The hair on his legs is getting darker...and he was searching in vain for hair on his chest and in his armpits. Clay (2 years younger) told him he is going to be getting like daddy pretty soon. He also said Aleena (age 10) is turning into a lady. Emma whispers in her big stage whisper, "She's getting crabby just like a lady!"

Very true, Emma....

little boys

Jack is covered in bumps, bruises and little scrapes.

I've forgotten how little boys manage to get hurt at such a young age...this little dude is into everything! He still only crawls around on his belly, pulling himself with his elbows and pushing off with his feet. Yet he manages to get all over the place like that.

Last week he fell out of the cradle. He stood up and went over the edge. Thankfully he was OK, other than the bruises.

And he is in constant motion. After Emma and Kelli, I am used to the constant conversation. But I'd forgotten how little boys need to move and climb and jump and wiggle...while they learn to talk, while they nurse, while they cuddle!

He's such a sweet boy. And I was really hoping for another boy to be able to enjoy. Trey was such a rude awakening for me as to what a boy was like. Clay seemed to almost get lost in the shuffle of having 3 babies in as many years. I am so thankful to get another chance to enjoy a little boy...even if I am shocked by how he manages to hurt himself!

being a "farmer"

I posted a few weeks ago about joining an organic farm here in CO. It has turned into a great time for our family. The kids love playing outside, chasing kittens, feeding scraps to the cows and chickens, and getting really dirty. D and I have been doing a little work in the fields as well as packing all the "shares" for the non-working members.

It is really an interesting thing, too, how much we are saving at the grocery store. I bought a couple of pieces of meat this week. But we have vegetables coming out of our ears! It is wonderful! My kids are wondering why we have to eat squash yet again, but it keeps appearing in new and unusual ways so I don't know why they are complaining. We've had zucchini bread (2 different recipes), zucchini oatmeal cookies, summer squash Mexican cheese soup, sausage stuffed zucchini boats, summer squash bread and stuff we call "succotash". The last one is actually zucchini, yellow squash, corn, tomatoes and onions cooked with bacon. Great way to use garden leftovers! There are still all kinds of things I want to make with my squash...

Tonight we will have green beans, beets, potatoes and turnips so we will all get a break from the squash. But it will be back on the table tomorrow I'm sure! LOL

So that's enough of the menu updates. I hope to post about our "broken" life later tonight.

a reason to smile

Jack E's first tooth has emerged!!!

He has those telling little ridges on his gums. D will be feeding him steak soon! LOL

family meals

I am starting to see my grandmother in myself. Not the one who took me to church, but the one who could cook...anything and really well.

When D is home and we sit down to a meal as a family, it is an event. We sit in the dining room...that's the only table we have all been able to fit at for quite some time now. There is a table cloth to protect that table. There is abundant food. There are 8 mouths to feed, there has to be a lot of food! We all talk about our days or what we want to do next. There is rarely any arguing. It is a moment where we can all be together and get along.

Thankfully we don't have very picky eaters at our house, either. My boys especially will just devour what is on the table. It really is a joyful time.

That brings me to my grandmother. We knew she was thinking of us when we sat down to dinner at her house and our favorites were on the table. For celebrations, when there were several of her children and grandchildren around, that meant she could have done a lot of cooking. She loved it. It was her way of showing us she cared for us.

I see that in myself now. I want to make a big meal so that we can all sit down to dinner and have time to really connect with each other. We can talk, we can share, we can plan. Often there is a song from a little one. Yesterday the talk of was about the school bus. Emma has been very anxious about riding the bus in the fall. The three older kids were talking about which of them she could sit with...who will take care of her on the bus. I am just amazed at my kids and their love for each other, but that is another post.

I'm so thankful for those mealtimes...to just connect and be together. I love facilitating that for my family.

is it all about me?

The other day at church many of us were sharing out thoughts throughout the message. I started to think about how many of us are either "repenters" or "redeemed".

I know we are all redeemed and should all be trying to turn away from the wrong we do, but it just struck me how we view our relationship to God. Do we think of ourselves as repenting and therefore worthy of God? Because we walk away from the evil and sin we do, we can now approach God? Like it's up to us to go to Him.

Or do we see ourselves as redeemed? He has sought us out in our filth. He picked us up and cleaned us off and because of that we want to stay away from the dirt from now on.

I remember when I was working hard at my repentance and first heard the idea that it all started with God. I think I was a little offended. How could He not need me to get it right before He would take me in? How could God be the originator of my faith? Didn't it have to come from me? Wasn't I the one who chose to seek out God because I was failing miserably on my own?

Or was it something inside of me that knew there was something bigger all along? Not just the God I heard about at my Grandma's church, but the Creator of this world, the God that seeks to redeem what He has created, the God who was the ultimate sacrifice so that all could now be redeemed.

I don't feel like I am a religious scholar. I try to see the spiritual around me. In fact, I am often amazed at how I see God working in my family's life. (Who knew you could feel ultimate love and safety and comfort and peace from a little worn out crocheted blanket?) But I think I am beginning to realize that it isn't about me and the way I try to make myself presentable to God, how I posture myself before Him. Maybe it is all about recognizing that I have been redeemed...that He continues to redeem me...and will continue to seek me out.

farm shares

I wanted to tell you all about my day yesterday. I took the kids (D is out of town at a conference) up to a family owned organic farm about an hour from here. We got a mailer from them earlier this spring. It's the kind of place where you can buy a "share" in the farm for a season of fresh produce. We had heard about it last year but didn't know much about it. Then we got the mailer and really started to consider it. We decided to do a working share, which also gives us a 50% discount on our fee.

We will go there 3 days a month (we get one week off each month) for the next 3 months. We work doing whatever needs to be done then can bring home our package for the week. We can also do extra picking if they seem to have excesses of something.

Yesterday the kids and I picked a flat of strawberries. They are soooo yummy. We've been eating them like crazy and I think I'm going to try my hand at making jam later today. It was also so relaxing to spend time in a field just smelling the earth and the strawberries. The great thing about a farm is that my kids were encouraged to just play around and pick strawberries and just be kids outside. It's such a kid friendly atmosphere--it's a farm!

So on Thursday morning I will head back up there. D will still be out of town so it will just be me and my 6. I am really looking forward to it. I can't wait to see what kinds of veggies we will come home with. There were some yellow squash looking almost ready yesterday! Mmmmmm...

mama guilt

Have you seen the breastfeeding ads from the Ad Council? There has been a lot of debate on the issue...from newscasters, doctors, formula companies. A constant theme has been "we shouldn't make women who choose not to breastfeed or who can't breastfeed feel guilty for that decision". I agree with that. I hate mama guilt. Working with new mamas, there is guilt and judgment on mothering issues all around them. We are constantly feeling evaluated. (And as a mama who has birthed 6 children in 9 years, let me tell you that I feel those eyes on me!) But taking an ad off of TV because it may make someone feel guilty is probably not a good enough reason, IMHO.

This has sparked a lot of debate even among breastfeeding mamas from what I've heard through a doula group I belong to. I really liked what one of the doulas posted that we feel guilt and pain for a reason. We shouldn't ignore those feelings. We need to process those feelings. She shared her breastfeeding history with us and the way she has processed some of the guilt she felt over weaning early. Someone else also shared a great online article.

I think that the idea that guilt is there for a reason and what do we do with it, is really resonating with me. Some of the mamas that I have worked with have chosen to formula feed. It is usually due to lack of commitment and sometimes lack of support. I have tried to be there to support them in the decisions they have made. It is one time when I have to remind myself this is not my baby...not my choice of how to feed. But what do those mamas do with the guilt they feel? I think that the Ad Council ads can remind them that they made a poor choice...and why did they make that choice? Why did they choose artificial milk over human milk for their baby? And what do they do with those choices now? One thing I love about my job is the counselor role I get to play on occasion. I love listening as mamas process the thoughts and feelings they are having. I love encouraging them to explore things on a deeper level. And very often those feelings are feelings of guilt over something they have done or not done.

Yes, I am definitely thinking about all of that.

I have my own mama guilt with breastfeeding as well. I only nursed my first two kids for about 7 months each. The oldest I weaned early because I was pregnant again and I didn't really even know about tandem nursing. The other was taking a daily bottle of formula (because I was too lazy to pump) while I was at work 3 mornings a week. It became easier to give him a bottle than to breastfeed him. I think I was really relieved when my 3rd rejected all artificial nipples. I was able to nurse him a year. And my 4th and 5th went to a year and 14 months respectively.

Since I've been working the past month, baby Jack has been taking a daily sippy cup of breastmilk when I am not there to nurse him. The other day D was out with the kids and had Jack in the stroller. He was shopping for his trip to California. I met him when I was finished with work for the day. I looked at Jack in the stroller and he had his daily milk in a bottle instead of his cup. That bottle took me by surprise and made me a little sad. He still prefers his milk "fresh from the mama", but I was a little sad to think that he would actually take a bottle even if it contained his familiar milk. Knowing that Jack could be my last baby and my last nursing experience, I have a hard time imagining weaning him in 4 or 6 more months.

Yes, my mama guilt is there. Why did I think my body that was breastfeeding and pregnant wasn't able to nourish the babies it conceived? Why did I ever think it was easier to just give Trey a bottle of formula and then another of formula and then another of formula to the point that I wasn't breastfeeding him any longer? And how will I ever wean my little Jack E? I don't want to lose that portion of our lives.

mama guilt

14 Years of Marriage

In honor of my dear husband, I am going to do a little me-me for him. Today is our 14th wedding anniversary. In some ways I can't believe it has been that long, and in other ways I can hardly remember a life not linked to his.

14 Things I Love About My Husband

14. He looks really hot riding his motorcycle.

13. He is an amazing friend.

12. He is really task oriented and works unbelievably hard.

11. He is great at getting our kids to do household stuff so I can spend more time relaxing.

10. He is a great teacher and mentor.

9. He is probably the most honest man and has more integrity than any man I have ever met.

8. He is really burdened for those he shares this world with.

7. He stood next to me and rubbed my back through 2 back labors. He waited patiently with me while I labored with 3 others. He only really got bored with the whole process once!

6. He knew how to crochet and bake bread before I did.

5. He was amazingly patient when he taught me to drive a stick shift. Then again, that was before we got married.

4. He knows more about coffee than any man really should.

3. He can make soup out of anything and our kids will actually eat it.

2. He has patiently watched me grow up and into the woman I am today.

1. He supports me, encourages me, and challenges me on a daily basis.

And he loves me and puts up with me through all the mood swings, OCD moments, and ups and downs of life.

Happy anniversary, hon. I love you whole bunches!!!

MIA again!!!

I can't believe it has been 2 months since I posted anything here. What a bum I am. I guess that's how life is with 6 kiddos underfoot. It seems I never have the time, energy and mental ability to compose more than 2 sentences all at the same time! See even now, I am at a loss for words!

Emma

Remember those college days when I was just soooo tired? Yeah, I didn't know what tired was then!

I don't know why I am so out of it lately. Other than six kids and the regular household stuff...half that stuff is going undone right now because I just don't have any energy these days.

I have stopped giving Kelli a nap. That has helped with the crawling into my bed at 5:30 each morning. I would tell her to "go nigh-nigh" and she would emphatically say "I did!" So without a nap she sleeps till 7. But this week the baby has decided that he needs to snack around 5:30 each morning. He promptly falls back to sleep...wish I could. Then the dog starts barking and Trey decides he needs to check the weather on the computer.

So good morning world!

On another note, Emma was doing her preschool homework Monday afternoon with scissors and decided to cut her hair--again! This time she did some little bangs. Of course she is on "scissor restriction" meaning no scissors at home. The thing is...the bangs look really cute on her. She has this nasty cowlick in the very front so I would never have thought of giving her bangs, but I really like them.

I have Emma's preschool conference this morning. It will be time to hear what a smarty pants she is. It's one of those futuile activities. Do I really need to go? No, I know how amazingly ready for kindergarten she is. I find her trying to sound out words. She knows her numbers and how to count. She is constantly writing and asking me how to spell word after word. But if you don't go to your kid's preschool conference, what kind of mother are you anyway?! So dutifully and guiltily I will go...

jinxed myself!

What was I saying about how my babies don't cry??? Yeah, right!

Yesterday Jack had the mystery fussies all day. I thought maybe it was teething, but he really doesn't even have the tell-tale bumps on his gums yet. He didn't want to nap like his usual self, and since he's been up at 3 for the past three nights his mama would really like a nap!

He appears to be a little more back to normal today. And maybe it is teeth since he has one hand shoved half-way down his throat.

On another note, I have seen the future of my 2-year-old...some type of nudist colony I think. She really loves to be outside in this spring weather completely naked! I'm sure if I were less inhibited (or concerned about going to jail) I would love the spring breeze on my naked bottom, too. I put her in a dress and panties...she was naked. Just her panties...she was naked. I put her in a t-shirt and diaper...she was naked. Just a diaper...also naked.

So my apologies to the neighbor boys bouncing on their trampoline...in a few years I'm sure she will be mortified to know she spent her third spring repeatedly removing her clothes and diaper (or panties) no matter the attempts of her mother and eldest sister (already mortified) to keep her clothed.

Maybe I can go take a little rest while the little girls think I'm folding laundry...then again I'll probably return to find Kelli outside and naked! LOL...

milestones for mama and Jack

Yesterday I spent 5 hours+ caring for the twins that I worked with last summer. They are now 9 months old and into everything! It was really a fun time, but the little girl really has some separation issues so she does cry more than I'd like. I guess I'm just spoiled by my own babies not really crying much at all--at least when they are with me--D would probably have a different opinion! LOL

Their mama called and said she would be fifteen minutes early if that was OK. I had been out all morning and was on my way home when she called me. I panicked a little at first, but when I came home I realized that most things were baby-ready. So I guess that the baby steps at FlyLady really are working. I'm still working on getting all the things done that I need to, but it felt good to have a relatively clean house and enjoy my time with the babies.

On another baby note, Jack learned to roll over at 3 am this morning!!! It is very exciting, but what do I do with him now? He's been a tummy sleeper since he moved out of my bed 4 months ago...so he doesn't really want to sleep on his back. Does this mean I get to start nursing him back to sleep in the middle of the night again?! LOL I hope not...we'll have to figure something else out!

Better post this...Emma's clammering for a snack...and Jack is too!

finding a balance

I haven't been posting much or reading many blogs lately either. I miss both...I've been trying to find a better balance in life the season of Lent.

I decided to try FlyLady to see if that would help me gain control over the house part of it. I think it has helped me feel better about things and give me some daily direction. I've been trying to eat better and exercise...I've lost 10 pounds since the start of Lent even though I'm not exercising as much as I would like.

Basically, I've been trying to be more like Kanga and less like Rabbit. I'll save the way that Rabbit convicts me in "Springtime with Roo" for another post (hopefully before next month!). I do need to fold laundry and start baking bread and pick Emma up from preschool soon...

Hope to be back soon!

longer lives

I just heard a radio news clip this morning about lengthening life expectancy. The report said that the first person to live to be 1000 years old will soon be born. One thousand years?! The report said that through stem cell research and other of those types of genetic altering stuff it would soon be possible.

I don't know if that's something to look forward to or not. I think of my grandmother. She will be 84 in a couple of months. She's been in a nursing home for about two and a half years now. She has Alzheimer's and is not that forgetful, but she can get mean. Mean in the way that she almost got kicked out of the nursing home for hitting other patients there. She had a falling spell last fall so she went in for a full physical, bone density test, a bunch of things. Physically she is in great condition. Her bones are that of a woman in her 50's. She has a long life ahead of her.

I say all that because she has a lot of life ahead of her, but what kind of life is that? She is not the same woman I knew and loved as a child. By her physical condition, she could easily live a lot longer in that nursing home. And in her mental condition, what would that mean if she were to live till she was 1000? What would it mean if I were to live till I was 1000?

I don't think that would mean I would be in a nursing home at 75. But how long can we live each season of our lives. I guess it wouldn't be so bad to not start having a family until your 40's if you knew you had a few more hundred years, but how would that work for a woman whose eggs are forming while she is still in utero? The reason we see more birth defects with older mamas is that their eggs are just plain old. So if we raise our family by the time we are 60 or 70, we could still see generations of grandchildren and their grandchildren. That part is very appealing to me.

But what would our quality of life be after 300 or 400 years? Would we still have the same get up and go? Would we even want to get up and go? What do we with ourselves for the next 100 years? I look at my grandmother. She is growing weary of the life she now has. A decade in that state will be the longest one of her life. What if it were 3 or 4 decades that she was spending there?

Is that really worth it? Maybe it would be good to have a productive 70 or 80 years, a few final ones to reflect and then be able to go to our eternal rest. That sounds a little morbid, but I'm not sure I would want to lengthen my life to an extreme knowing that each season (other than childhood) would be lengthened as well.

being a doula

Yesterday I was doing a phone interview for a potential job in May. The expectant mama made a comment about how I can do this doula work with my kids at home and how I must just really like kids or something. That's a little bit true, but not really.

I chose to be a postpartum doula because of the mamas. I've been in that postpartum phase of life 6 times now. It's beautiful and terrible all at the same time. There are moments when I've just gazed at this baby and felt so complete. There are moments when I've felt so overwhelmed and incapable. I've felt exhausted. I've been deeply depressed and guilt ridden because of it. A lot of the time I felt like this was a lonely spot. I wanted someone to come in and take over for me for a few hours. I think that is one of the hardest things as a new mama: it's all up to me now. While I love that and I find it so easy some days, other days I want to be cared for on a really profound level.

That's why I love my job. It's so hard for us to ask for our deepest desires as mamas. When someone wants to help we either say we are OK or accept a frozen casserole or use the offer of childcare for something necessary like an OB appointment. But when you have hired someone to come into your home and do basically whatever, you can ask her to make you lunch simply because you are hungry but want to hold your baby for a while longer. You can ask her to vacuum because it's needing to be done and you don't want to do it today. You can sit and watch TV and just chat (ie not be alone) while you are both feeding a baby. (OK, that really only works with multiples!) You have someone to ask your silliest questions...like is the poop supposed to look like that? You have someone to make you tea and change the 10th diaper of the day while you sit and feel melancholy. You have someone to celebrate your first (nearly solo) outing with.

Motherhood is a crazy journey. It's beautiful...it's awful...it's mundane...it's consuming. I really love it. And I love having a job where I get to walk with mamas for a part of their journey.

resurfacing

So I've been MIA for a while. I'm not totally sure why, either.

I was running to dentist appointments and stuff and then...I don't know. The last few days I have really not been myself at all. On Friday night at 7 I realized I had absolutely no idea what we would have for dinner...and I didn't care...I wasn't hungry anyway.

That's weird for me because I'm one of those mamas who think nothing says "I love you" like food. I bake them bread, make them cookies (always from 'scratch') and basically thrive on feeding my family dinner.

I'm feeling a little more like myself right now. We'll see if it lasts or if I go back into my funk.