is it all about me?

The other day at church many of us were sharing out thoughts throughout the message. I started to think about how many of us are either "repenters" or "redeemed".

I know we are all redeemed and should all be trying to turn away from the wrong we do, but it just struck me how we view our relationship to God. Do we think of ourselves as repenting and therefore worthy of God? Because we walk away from the evil and sin we do, we can now approach God? Like it's up to us to go to Him.

Or do we see ourselves as redeemed? He has sought us out in our filth. He picked us up and cleaned us off and because of that we want to stay away from the dirt from now on.

I remember when I was working hard at my repentance and first heard the idea that it all started with God. I think I was a little offended. How could He not need me to get it right before He would take me in? How could God be the originator of my faith? Didn't it have to come from me? Wasn't I the one who chose to seek out God because I was failing miserably on my own?

Or was it something inside of me that knew there was something bigger all along? Not just the God I heard about at my Grandma's church, but the Creator of this world, the God that seeks to redeem what He has created, the God who was the ultimate sacrifice so that all could now be redeemed.

I don't feel like I am a religious scholar. I try to see the spiritual around me. In fact, I am often amazed at how I see God working in my family's life. (Who knew you could feel ultimate love and safety and comfort and peace from a little worn out crocheted blanket?) But I think I am beginning to realize that it isn't about me and the way I try to make myself presentable to God, how I posture myself before Him. Maybe it is all about recognizing that I have been redeemed...that He continues to redeem me...and will continue to seek me out.