Wednesday, February 22, 2006

confession is good for the soul

Can I confess how stupid am I to you?

Yesterday I had this terrible headache. I just felt like I couldn't see right all day. I took my contacts out in the early afternoon and wore my glasses for the rest of the day.

This morning I am getting ready to take Emma to preschool. I can go unshowered with a pony tail, but I am waaaaay too vain to go in my glasses. As I undid my contacts case, I had a thought. I put the left one in my right eye and the right one in my left eye. Guess what? I can see now!!!

The big idiot that I am had them in the wrong eyes yesterday! This is one of those things you can only admit D, please don't laugh at me.

Gotta go to preschool now that I can SEE!

live, laugh, love

So after reading what I wrote yesterday, I think I sounded a little melancholy about having a larger family. Do I really think I've done a disservice to my kids? No, I really don't. I look at them and the ways they have learned to give and take, and I'm really proud of them. I think they are amazing little kiddos.

They were a little wild last night. I was on the phone with my mom and she reminded me that it's so great to hear them loud and laughing instead of loud and arguing. She's right. My kids really like each other. Who could ask for more than that?

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


My oldest son has a friend who is an only. As in an only child. I was an only...the only child in a house of grown-ups. The only child at the dinner table. The only child in the room for adult conversations. The only child to want to play a game or make up her own random rules to that game. The only child to dictate how a lazy afternoon was spent. The only child to pick the movie. The only child to garner the attention.

I never learned about sacriice or compromise.

I watch my children at play with each other and especially my son with his "only" friend. My kids have learned that you compromise with the ones you love. You take turns having your way. You sacrifice your desires for another person's and they return the favor because they love you. At least that's what my son believes. He becomes so frustrated with his friend.

"Mom, how can he say we're best friends when he won't ever do what I want to do? I do what he wants all the time and he can't ever just do it my way. How can we really be friends at all?"

Of course those feelings of hurt and frustration fade because the other thing you learn in a house full of brothers and sisters is that we forgive the ones we love.

I look around me and families with one or two kids. Then I look at my kids. How will they have relationships with kids who don't play by the same rules that they have learned at home? I want to think that they are far better off for the things they are learning in a larger family, but am I only fooling myself? Will they be doormats for others in their worlds, always willing to compromise and give in? Or are they learning valuable lessons early in life that will help them to be better eqipped for long lasting relationships?

Sunday, February 19, 2006


We just finished having family church this morning. D told me I should write out the prayer I prayed at the end, and of course now I'm not sure what I said.

It was along these lines. "God, we have been blessed with so many physical things. Food, clothes, a home, family, friends. We have been blessed with even more spirittual blessings as well, God, yet we are not as quick to claim them. Lord, just as we are quick to fill our bellies with the food You have provided, may we be quick to fill our hearts with Your Love and Grace and Mercy. Amen"

Saturday, February 18, 2006

lost loves

I didn't sleep well last night. Well, I did until 3:30 when my little dog decided that she needed to make a middle of the night potty run. I got up to let her out and thought I'd check my email quickly. That's when it turned restless.

A cyber friend on a list I belong to was just starting a miscarriage. She is sad and hurt and angry. Another cyber friend, who also started the process of miscarrying earlier this week, was sharing words of comfort. She also posted a web site about pregnancy loss. There's a place there for families to say a word in memorial about babies they have lost. I read many of their stories last night. One that really struck me was a story from a family who lost a baby in 1974...imagine, still grieving 32 years later. Then again, I thought of the babies D and I have lost in early miscarriage. I'm sure I will still remember them 30 years from now.

The whole idea of pregnancy loss and losing babies too soon gets to me as I guess it does to most mamas who have been there. It's one thing I have just really wrestled with. So many people will say that this is just God's plan, but I don't think so. I don't think that the pain a woman feels in her body and her heart as she loses a baby that cannot or will not grow was ever part of what God had planned for us. I have come to think that maybe that is just part of the ramifications of sin in this imperfect world. Sin as in original in when Adam and Eve decided to not fully trust God. The curses of disease and pain and imperfection that were not necessarily part of what God intended but has still allowed to come into our lives. That's where pregnancy loss fits into it for me. This pain was not God's plan, but for some reason He didn't choose to heal this baby in utero.

So we grieve and we cry and we don't understand even 32 years later. And there are places like this cyber memorial where we can say a word to the little ones we didn't get to cuddle or nurse or tickle or chase but we still hold a place in our hearts.

So I finally went back to bed and brought Jack with me to nurse and cuddle for the rest of the night. It wasn't the most peaceful night, but I was so thankful to have that little warm body snuggled up to me.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

good news bad news

From the dentist. The bad news first

For Clay, the bad news, 8 cavities. 8 CAVITIES...that's more than half his molars. And some of them are bad, Bad, BAD! He'll get sealants on the others to hopefully prevent any more damage. The good news? Sucking his thumb for six years has apparently left no lasting effects.

For Trey, the bad news, 2 cavities. They are not so bad. He needs sealants too. The good news? His teeth are quite straight and look as though they will continue to come in that way. THANK GOD!

I take the girls in to the dentist in two weeks. I think I need to start mentally preparing for that now. I did get those little flossers and fluoride rinse yesterday. Last night I started the lovely process of flossing everyone's teeth before bed then making the three oldest rinse with fluoride for a minute. An ounce of prevention I guess.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

woeful wednesday

Woeful? Is that a word? Is it Wednesday already? Where has the time gone? Everyone has regained their health at my house though Kelli and Jack did both get some shots yesterday so it could be a day. With 4 kids in some type of school it seems the entire weekend was consumed with Valentines...making boxes, addressing cards, gathering candy. My poor hubby only got a card from me. I was just not prepared for it.

I'm not feeling prepared for this day, either. I'm taking the boys to the dentist after I take Emma to preschool. It's been nearly 3 years since they've been to the dentist. I know...bad mama. I know Clay has a cavity, but at least he has teeth now. He had knocked out a tooth just after he turned 2. The permanent tooth finally came in just before he turned 7. He doesn't even know how to bite in the front. You should see the kid eat an apple.

This afternoon we have a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I really hate that place. D has a meeting so I can't escape taking all 6 of the kiddos in there. I hate just having to try to track everyone down when it's time to leave.

What's for dinner? I have no idea. And I have a really bad earache. Woe is me today, huh? I need a diet Coke...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

another sick day

Well, it's official...Jack is really sick. He's got the sniffles and a nasty cough and is just plain punky. Kelli is still quite crabby as well. D is on antibiotics because his dr thinks his virus went to a bacterial infection. That leaves Trey, Emma (who is still in bed so she's probably crossed to the sick list) and me who are healthy. I guess I'm glad to be really sucks to be that sick when you're the mama. Here's to a day of rocking sick babies and not much else...SALUD!

Last night I was working on this Women of Faith Bible study. Not usually my thing, but I'm trying it. As I was working through I realized that I say a lot of prayers of thankfulness for the people in my life and the life I'm able to live full of health, wealth (relatively speaking) and happiness, but I don't spend a lot of time really being thankful that I'm able to have a relationship with God. I'm not a hyper religious person at all...I do really like Jesus, though. I hesitate even calling myself a Christian these days because of the negative connotation there...but I do want to be more like Jesus. So my plan for this week is to think more about this Person I love and not only how I can be more like Him but how I can just better know Him...

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

potty time?

so when the 2 year old takes off her diaper, tells you she needs to go, then sits on her potty and actually pees, it's probably time to move onto panties, huh?

"Make the World Go Away..."

What is it about sick kids that make you into a better mama? There's something about rocking that feverish baby, no matter what age that baby is, that just makes the rest of the world disappear a little...

Monday, February 06, 2006

a day of rest?

So yesterday we did what I guess normal people do when their kids are sick...we stayed home. It was strange to do that on a Sunday. For most years of our marriage and since we've had kids, D has been working at church so we HAD to be there. We've taken sick kids to sit in mama's office or rest in a back room while we did what we needed to do. It was a little strange to decide at midnight on Saturday night that Kelli was still sick and we just were going to stay home and calls to one to alert.

So we spent the day resting with this cold virus that half the family has. Kelli was a miserable 2 year old. She's old enough to tell us she feels crappy but still young enough that only being held by mama makes her feel any better. D is pretty miserable himself. He actually wants to go to the doctor tomorrow! At least Clay is back to school this week. Trey seems to have escaped it so far. I'm not sure if Emma has already had a touch of it or not. Aleena was the one to bring it home in the first place. And Jack seems to be a little extra fussy today. He sounds like he's going to be next. YIKES...the 2 yo hurricane and the baby sick at the same time? I may not make it! Then again, I may not escape this thing either.

So it's good that yesterday was restful because last night was NOT! It's been a long time since I spent half the night awake with a sick toddler in my bed. I forgot all that I'd been missing! **rolling my eyes** So here I sit while I should be diligently starting this week's mountain of laundry. Kids get off the bus in an hour...I'd better get on with it!

Saturday, February 04, 2006


So, I've been ironing all day. That's not something I normally do very much of EVER! In our more prosperous days, all of D's (that's my hubby) shirts went to the dry cleaner. Now that we have been trying to be more frugal, the clothes have just been piling up in the hopes that we'd have the money for that luxury soon.

Nope! So, I've ironed at least 20 shirts today and will do more once the kids are in bed. D is working late tonight so what else is a mama to do on a Saturday night?

It's been a little more peaceful around here today. The third of my kids now has the cruddy virus. Aleena (my first born) had it first. Then Clay was home from school all week with it. Now Kelli (our little hurricane) has it...she's spent the day on the couch watching Dora. Thank God for DVRs! How sad is it to know that we have season passes to Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer and Go! Diego, Go! I guess it's better than rewinding the same VCR tape all day long!

So yesterday I took Clay to the pediatrician just to rule out anything major. No strep and clear lungs, so it's just a bad virus. And my children appear to be getting it one right after the other. At this rate I have 3-4 more weeks of sickness ahead of me. Can I stay healthy through all that?

That's the update at my house...oh...I almost forgot the point I was going to make about ironing all day. It's been kind of nice actually. Not that I know that it's money we're saving or the satisfaction of seeing the job get done. I realized that it's been a really long time since I spent the day doing something just for my husband. In a household where there are more kids than I have ears and arms, and it seems I'm always gestating or lactating, D can get lost in the shuffle. It felt good to do something for him today. I'm sure he was wishing it was something a little more "hands on", but gotta take what you can get around here! lol

Friday, February 03, 2006


It is so adorable to me that Jack has now started sucking his thumb! He uses the other hand to rub the back of his hair just like Clay used to do.

What's ironic is that I'm trying to get Emma to STOP sucking her thumb...then there's Kelli who sucks her thumb and drags her beloved blanket "Dinky" all over the house. This morning I realized that it's not just her dinky she's dragging around but her little blue squishy pillow as well.

I need to get Emma ready for preschool, then try to find some shoes and a shawl for Aleena's Father/Daughter Dance tonight. I need to take Clay to the doctor at 11. And I have to finish the cheesecake brownies for the dance tonight too...

Just the life of a mama, I I have time to take a shower before all this? Hmmmm...