I know I am not the most spiritual person by a long shot. Honestly, I really enjoy just hanging out on Sunday mornings and probably wouldn't complain if we decided to stay home from church all but a handful of Sunday's each year. I'm not really sure where my Bible is or when I read something more thought provoking than People magazine.
Then again, I tend to think of most of my day as serving and giving and nurturing and not really for me at all. So I guess that does make me pretty spiritual.
I was walking and listening to Sarah Groves this morning. Specifically I was listening to "When It Was Over" from her "Add to the Beauty" CD. It's such a different portrayal of love and life to me. And something that really resonates with me. The chorus is so simple:
"Oh love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Love wash over a multitude of things
Make us whole"
The love we have in our lives...the love we offer to others...it has the power to make us whole again. There are so many days when I feel so terribly broken and cracked and torn up. I see the world we all share and am so saddened by how we can treat others or our surroundings. I think it's really hard for me, too, to see how we think so very highly of ourselves.
How can I, a white woman, living in the 21st century with electricity, running water and abundant technology, a healthy body, a home in the suburbs, enough money to never be naked or go without food, six beautiful children, a husband of great character, the list could go on and on and on. What right do I have to ask God to bless me further, even to bless my food? Haven't I been given far and above what I really need?
But I digress...
Back to Sarah Groves...the second verse of the song always really hits me and makes me feel a little embarrassed even when I am by myself.
"When it was over and they could talk about it
They were sitting on the couch
She said what on earth made you stay here
When you finally figured out what I was all about
He said I always knew you'd do the right thing
Even though it might take some time
She said, Yeah, I felt that and that's probably what saved my life"
D and I have been married for almost 15 years. Though the past few years have been hard in one sense, they have been really beautiful in another sense. There is that incredible intimacy that comes when someone "finally figures out what I am all about". It's humbling to know that he really does know all my inadequacies and weaknesses and even failures. He has seen me be totally unworthy of his love, devotion or respect. And yet we are still married and pretty happily so, too.
It's that love that encourages me to keep moving toward something "more". I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that with what I have been shown, it's OK for me to give more of myself, to stretch myself, to let "my way" slide a little more in order for someone else to thrive. I'm not sure this is making the sense that it does to me in the morning while I walk.
I know I come home ready to face life and stress and laundry and more cries for attention and more arguing and less of mama.
The song ends this way:
"There is a love that never fails
There is a healing that always prevails
There is a hope that whispers a vow
A promise to stay while we're working it out
So come with your love and wash over us"
